The 80s Club

I’m sitting here watching King of Queens, and it’s the episode where Doug’s (Kevin James) friend Spence (Patton Oswalt) becomes the houseboy for Doug’s other friend, Deacon (Victor Williams). And, all of the sudden, they do a bit where Spence is very Mr. Belevedere-like and play they theme song to the show. Very fun for me. :D

I was sad to hear that King of Queens will be ending this May. It’s had a good run, and has cracked me up for years. In a world dominated by reality shows, though, the sitcom seems to be having a hard time keeping the attention of Americans in the prime time spots. I’m gonna miss this one.

I remember when it first came on and I kept looking at the main character, Carrie Heffernan (Leah Remini), trying to figure out why she seemed familiar to me. I finally realized that she was Samantha’s (Alyssa Milano) friend from the old neighborhood on Who’s the Boss. Man, I loved that show!

btw: Have you voted in the Harrison Ford/Indiana Jones poll in the pink sidebar on the right? Please do! Thanks. :)

Have you seen these joystick games? I was so excited when walking through Target (I think it was) and saw the cute joystick with Ms. Pac-Man’s likeness pictured on it. I pointed it out to my friend and she said, “Oh yeah. I have a couple of games like that. All you do is plug it into your TV and there are several games that you can play.” Crazy. Apparenly, a few of my friends have these and are enjoying hours of 80’s reminiscence and fun and are not inviting me over to join them. Hmph.

Anyway, this particular product includes Ms. Pac Man, Mappy, Xevious, Pole Position and Galaga.

Are any of you out there whittling away your days remembering the joys of Pac-Man with these games?

In honor of the Christmas Day passing of the late, great James Brown, I present to you (via my new addiction, YouTube) the legendary 1983 performance of Eddie Murphy in the legendary SNL sketch, James Brown’s Celebrity Hot Tub Party. I don’t think a week passes in our house with out someone shouting out, “Too hot in the hot tub!”

A fond farewell, Mr. James Brown.

You think I’m joking, don’t you?

From azcentral.com:

Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora will soon have mini versions of themselves from Tempe-based McFarlane Toys.

Crazy, aye? Apparently, they aren’t the first musical figures from McFarlane Toys, but I still think it’s a bit odd. Go ahead and add them to your holiday wish list, for 2007. They’re not due out until July of next year. I’ll try to get a photo out here when they’re released.

I did love this album, though. Especially the record that my mom bought for my sister and me (how do you expect sisters to share an album?) that had the picture of Jon Bon Jovi on one side, and the whole band on the other. Yes, the photos ON THE RECORD. Too cool. I think we spent more time looking at the record than we did listening to it. Hmmmm….might have to search her house for that one.

I remember this game so well. It’s like I saw it yesterday…

Actually, I did see it yesterday, because my two year old was trying to play it! No kidding. I think this was my older brother’s first electronic game, along with the baseball version. He would play them for hours, never giving me a turn.

Somehow, it ended up in my house, and the crazy thing still works! (I can’t get a cordless phone that will keep a charge for more than 30 minutes, but this thing is still going strong!) I have a feeling kids today would laugh us out of the room if we tried to convince them that moving a few red dots around on a teeny-tiny screen could entertain them for hours. And we thought it was high-tech!

Ahhh…the simpler times.

The year: 1980
The place: A galaxy far far away
The issue: The rebels are gaining momentum and The Empire must stop them at all costs.

The Star Wars saga continues. Anyone who doesn’t know by this point in time (2006) that Darth Vader is Luke’s father can only have been raised by wolves. For movie goers in 1980 however, the news came as a shock. Our hero, the hope of the Galaxy, is related to that guy who chokes his minions to death when they fail in their duties. Perhaps even more trauma-inducing for those of us who preferred macho Han Solo over whiny Luke Skywalker, Han Solo is frozen in carbonite after being betrayed by his friend Lando. The movie leaves us hanging as to Han’s fate, and it won’t be until 1983 and Return of the Jedi that we discover if he lives or dies.

Most people seem to either love or hate the Star Wars saga, and if you’re one of the latter, just don’t tell me about it. (unless it is to mock the Ewoks and the ghastly Ewok movies) ;) For many of us, the assorted merchandize which was produced in tandem with the movies became much desired and much hoarded treasure. I believe somewhere in my belongings I still have the original Han, Luke, Leia, Vader, and Yoda action figures (and most of their tiny accessories). Lego produced a series of ‘Space Legos’ which were not Star Wars specific, but included awesome boosters and antennae and wing pieces, cockpits, and control panels and little guys with space helmets. Lego may have produced Lego Play Themes IP Star Wars Classic B-Wing Fighter (6208)“>Star Wars legos in the 80s, but my parents wisely did not let us see any catalogues. Some kids had the large toys such as the At-At, and were very envied.

Thanks to the popularity of the Star Wars saga, and the newer movie releases, there are many merchandise options on the market from Pez dispensers to video and computer games, to action figures and clothing. Authors have been writing books set in the Star Wars Universe for many years. Random House has a page on their site showing where each book falls within the StarWars Universe timeline.

If it weren’t for my younger brothers, I would likely not remember Army Ants. However, my youngest brother was crazy about them. (I recall some sibling skirmishes wherein one of the others would ‘relocate’ his army ants, and wow, the yelling!) These little critters would probably be a big hit in today’s toy market too.

X-entertainment lists Army Ants on their list of Top 10 Most Obscure 80s Toys, at #1:

Army Ants were, well, ants. But they weren’t any ordinary ants - they were insectoid machines of mass destruction, each two-inch figure adorned with soldier helmets and rifles. And you know, since ants can hold ten times their weight over their head, it allows for some really big rifles.

Yep, judging by the complex games enacted throughout our house and yard by my little brothers, I’d have to agree with that. I actually don’t remember which army predominated at our house, but I think the Blue Army looks the nicest.

For a great website showcasing both the Orange Army and the Blue Army, with pages describing each individual Ant, check out VirtualToyChest.

There are plenty of people who will be quick to point out the Littles books, and the even earlier Borrowers books, but my acquaintance with The Littles was on Saturday mornings during the early 80s. They were little mice who lived under the floor/in the walls of the Biggs house. I really liked the toon and watched it religiously. So much so, that even now in 2006 I can still ‘hear’ the theme music.

The best thing about The Littles in my opinion, were the Mattel doll house furniture items produced about the same time. I didn’t collect very many of them since I had to convince Mom to buy them for me and she had to appease my brothers’ toy addictions too. But, as with the Duran Duran board game, I still own them. Most of these came as an individual piece of furniture, with some accessories. The Bathroom Set might have been sold in one package, but I’m -almost certain- all the rest were packaged individually. All of the lamps and flowerpots and pillows came with the furniture sets, I think. There may have been an “accessories” package that I got, but it would have been a part of the same product line.

The Littles family: Dad, Mom, Sister, and Baby

The Bedroom Set: Metal bedposts, plastic mattress. Bureau is metal with drawers that open. blanket on bed is original.

The Bathroom Set: I believe a Victorian bathtub was also a piece sold, but I never got one. The toilet lid and seat lift up & down. the seat and toilet tank, and faucet handles are plastic, the rest metal.

The Kitchen Set: a metal Victorian stove, the oven door opens, and the coffee kettle and pot w/ removable lid are also metal. A sink/fridge, this is metal except for the part that is white and the shelf inside the fridge (the door opens). It came with the plastic grey pitcher & bowl. A metal double-drop-leaf table, with plastic plates and cups (a set of four. I lost one plate, but have all the rest).

The Livingroom Set: a metal couch, side chair, footstool, and drop-leaf table.

The drop-leaf tables in the ‘dropped’ position:

If I had a daughter I think I’d feel guilty, because I probably wouldn’t share these with her.

In the 80s, a well-bronzed skin was the aim of every summer. I remember when the California Raisins made an appearance, partly because they were goofy, and partly because in one ad they are all sun-bathing and do this synchronized flip to sun their other sides. My husband remembers them because he collected the Raisins (but he’ll deny it if anyone asks).

In 1987 the advertising world was taken by surprise with the popularity of a group of animated singing raisins who pushed the goodness of sweet, juicy California raisins. Their trademark song “I Heard It Through The Grapevine,” (a Marvin Gaye classic) boosted raisin sales and instigated a rash of spin-off products such as T-shirts, small rubber figurines, etc. (excerpted from TV Acres)

If you missed this cultural phenomenon, you can acquire a copy of the movie California Raisins - Meet the Raisins.

I never had a Cabbage Patch doll.

You simply cannot realize the terror, the horror, the absolute grief of that statement unless you were a little girl in the 80s.

(Or of course, a little boy of the type so inclined to play with dolls, like my cousin Jesse. Jesse ended up, surprisingly, not as a female impersonator in Vegas, but as a rather successful porn star with the stage name Zeus Goldenrod, which pretty much makes him the most successful member of our family ever. But I digress.)

You have no idea how insane people were for these dolls. The company was freakin’ brilliant, announcing that there was a shortage of dolls, and pretty much implying that if you didn’t have one you Totally Sucked, and if you were a parent who didn’t get one for your child, you Totally Sucked Too.

People STAMPEDED into the store at Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa time to desperately make a grab for a doll. I saw this once, and was forever scarred by the experience. A crowd of about sixty women crowded against the closed doors of Woolworth’s, waiting for the store to open.

When the manager came to unlock the door, the women rushed forward and several had their faces smooshed against the glass. One woman screamed. Then the doors opened, and the bloodbath ensued. I even saw one woman push a little girl out of the way.

Anyhow, my mother was not the violent type and I never got the coveted doll. (I still remember the name of the one I especially wanted: Molly Louise.)

Somehow, my best friend’s mother scored three dolls, which was unheard of. I believe that record still holds to this day.

They happened to be the trashiest family in our neighborhood, and I can say that without malice because of my background. ) There, in their living room with the sagging couch and overflowing ashtrays, was a glass case that housed the three dolls. My friend Holly never even got to play with them; they just remained on display as both a testament and a taunt.

In fact, Holly knew this was my sore spot and whenever she was mad at me she’d rub it in that she had three Cabbage Patches and I’d never have any. One day, that led to physical altercation that left me with a split lip and Holly with a tooth knocked out, and we weren’t allowed to play together any more.

Luckily, my obsession soon transferred itself to Strawberry Shortcake dolls, which were plentiful.

But anyway, my point is that 80s toys were AWESOME. So awesome, they could incite riots. Let’s see a toy today accomplish that.

Not me. Obviously.